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Remember how you admired your mother when you were a little girl? You may have spent hours looking at her dresses and jewelry thinking that your mom is an amazing woman and simply the best mom in the world.
Most little girls love and adore their mothers. This is quite normal, because the mother is the first person in our life with whom we develop a relationship. So the mother-daughter relationship is the first and the most important relationship in our life.
The mother-daughter relationship is loving and simple in childhood
As we grow and become more aware, this early worship often transitions into other feelings. Indeed, for some adult daughters, their relationship with their mother is one of love, mutual respect, and friendship. For others, on the other hand, this relationship begins to go in a completely different direction.
The mother-daughter relationship can break down for a number of reasons and have nothing to do with love, respect and positive feelings.
The mother-daughter relationship plays an important role in life
There are adult women who have a very demanding mother who criticizes them for their looks or lifestyle. Some mothers interfere in everything and try to control their daughter's life. They judge her or compare her to themselves or to other women. This can surely ruin the mother-daughter relationship.
Many women regret not having a loving relationship with their mother, but wish for a more caring or supportive mother. Yet many still try to please their mother and live up to her expectations, no matter how it makes them feel. They sacrifice their own happiness in order to gain recognition and love and ensure their mother's happiness. When a daughter does this, she ruins the mother-daughter relationship just as much as her mother does.
What can you do if your relationship with your mother is problematic
If you are in a similar situation, remember that you cannot change another person (your mother in this case). You are able to change only yourself and your own reactions to her. Try to think of your mother as a normal woman and not as your own mother who should be a super woman. This is how you get a new perspective.
If your mother was just a friend of yours, how long would that friendship last? Just because she is actually your mother doesn't mean you should sacrifice your own feelings to make her happy. You don't live life for her. Nor should you fret that she doesn't match your ideal for a mother.
Be true to yourself and don't sacrifice yourself to make your mother happy
Expectations can kill any relationship, including this one with your mother. If you want to save your mother-daughter relationship, be honest and talk openly with your mother about your true feelings and needs.
Your mother may not even be aware of how you are feeling in this situation. If that changes, then your relationship may very well change as well. If not, don't fret and set boundaries instead. Do this firmly but lovingly. However, this will do your mother-daughter relationship good.
If your mother doesn't understand you…
Make an effort to accept your mother as she is. She is an adult and has a different point of view than you. Perhaps she feels an emptiness in her life and expects you, her child, to fill it. This emptiness could be due to a variety of emotions and life events - for example, sadness, fear, low self-esteem, etc. But it is not up to you to heal or change it. As in any relationship, you need to set he althy boundaries or occasionally take "time out."
Find the way to heal your relationship with your mother
Respect is the foundation of every relationship. The mother-daughter relationship is the most important in life for several reasons and when there is a lack of mutual respect then many aspects of your life can suffer. So if you want to live a worthwhile life, heal your relationship with your mother. There are different techniques to do that. A possibility for that are for example the family constellations. Work on your mother-daughter relationship consistently and with understanding. It takes time to develop a better relationship.
A happy and valuable life is based on a harmonious and he althy mother-daughter relationship